Make Your Experiences Better!
Author: Jan Tincher

Do you know how to take a good experience and make it better?

Look at the picture in your mind of what the good experience was. In other words, relive it in your mind.

Now, when you’ve done that, look at how far away your picture is from you. Not the actual happening, but the picture you are imagining.

Bring that picture closer. Make it brighter. Put movement in it if there wasn’t any, and see if you like it better. Put sound in your picture. Adjust the volume until you really like it.

Now, doesn’t it seem as if the enjoyable experience was even better?

Now, how can you use that knowledge?

What about if you gave a presentation and you weren’t happy with it? What kind of a memory is that? Not good. So, now, instead of looking at how bad it was, see how it *could have been.* When you have that memory to fall back on, it will make future presentations better.

See yourself giving a presentation now. If you enhance your picture, you will feel much better about it. If you don’t take the time and effort to enhance your picture, chances are, you’re imagining how bad the next presentation will be, because of how bad it was. Now, that’s the picture you see, and that’s the picture your brain will be responding to. Right?

Work with all your pictures. Make your memories good.

Maybe some of you don’t want to do that. Maybe you are saying to yourself, *I need to see the mistakes I’m learning from. I need to get real here.* Or whatever.

All I’m saying is, you are always looking at your pictures. Believe it. If you don’t take responsibility to change them for the better, you will be accepting the *worse.*

Take responsibility for it. Doing that is the best measure of a person’s power and maturity. No matter how terrible a situation is, you can represent it in a way that empowers you. Making a past experience into an empowering experience helps ensure that your future experiences will be better.

In other words, represent the past in a good light so that your future has a chance to be good also. I think you can do it, and I look forward to hearing from you.

By the way, this article will be on the Technique of the Week, next week. To see it, click here: Http://www.tameyourbrain.com/technique.htm
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Copyright 2001, Jan Tincher, All Rights Reserved Worldwide

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Living Your Dream Guilt Free
Author: P.A. Lastick

It is funny how sometimes we, as women, can be so supportive of our spouse’s and children’s dreams. Putting in the back burner our own desires with the notion that perhaps when our children leave the house or when our husbands reach their goals it will be time to devote all our energy pursuing our own dreams. Feeling the guilt of not being available 24/7 for those we love can be our worst enemy. And before we realize it there are a few gray hairs on our heads and time is slowly escaping us. I have a supportive husband who not only encourages me to follow my dreams, but who cheers me along the way. Why then is it so hard for me to pursue my dreams without feeling like I am abandoning my family in the process? Why do I feel like there are not enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to do? I only have one child, a seven year old daughter named Vivian. I don’t want anymore children, despite the constant pleading from my in-laws, because if I feel pressed for time with one that feeling will surely be doubled with another one.

I had Vivian when I was two months shy of my twenty-first birthday-completely unexpected and unprepared. Life forever changed that last day in January of 1998 when I was handed this little bundle of wrinkled skin and fur. I was never the party-goer and celebrating my twenty-first at a bar getting shit-faced drunk would have been out of the question long before Vivian became my sole responsibility, however having her put a stop to their consideration. School became harder to finish and scheduling courses became a matter of when my mom was available to baby-sit and less about wanting to sleep in and get off early. I was on a mission-to finish school at all costs. I didn’t want to be one of those women who said they would go back to school once their child was admitted to school full-time. I needed to finish and I needed to finish now!

I did finish school and as I got my backpack ready for class so did my daughter. I registered her in the school’s daycare center. The cost of the center was only .00 per week and she could go from 8:30 am to 5:00 pm., my cost for having Vivian at the center-too high. The guilt I felt when I dropped her off and the relief I felt when I picked her up at the end of a long day multiplied itself day after day for the next three years. Now things are easier and Vivian is no longer in those centers for eight hours a day, but I am away for that long each day. My husband is an independent contractor and can work from home most days. Dan drops Vivian off at school at a quarter to nine and picks her up at half past two. I work a 9 to 5 job and often wonder how single moms like my sister juggle a full-time job while attending to their kid’s schedules. The guilt they feel must be immeasurable.

I started running last year and this year I decided to train for the Chicago marathon in October. I run three days a week and cross train at the gym two days a week. I do all my training at 5:15 am while my husband and daughter are sleeping. I feel that by training that early in the morning I am not using up valuable time I could otherwise be spending with them. I also love to write and have decided that I have put off being a novelist for too long. I have a life coach that is helping me pursue this lifetime goal. I want to have my first novel published by the time I am twenty-nine and time is running by fast. My coach is very encouraging and has suggested I meet with other writers in city writing groups and workshops to sharpen my writing skills. However, meeting with other writers or taking a writing workshop at 5:15 am is highly unlikely and I am sure to be cutting into family time. I have been reluctant to join a writing group because I would need a baby-sitter for the nights the closest group to my house meets. My husband is pursuing his musical career at that exact time and I can’t leave my daughter with a total stranger. I am starting a writing workshop on Thursday at the urging of my coach. The workshop starts in a week and I can already feel the guilt creeping up on me. Halting my every move. Wanting to stop me from living my dream. Wanting to spend time with those you love is valid and admirable-most people can’t stand the family they have. But having a partnership with those you surround yourself with need not be guilt driven.

The guilt we feel when we finally say yes to a nagging passion is the way in which we set ourselves up to fail. We subconsciously try to stop ourselves from going after what we feel we deserve because someone important in our lives along the way told us that girls are to grow up and be supportive wives and mothers. We create the guilt from the fear of the unknown, the what ifs. It is much easier to stay where we are because we know what the outcome will be instead of putting ourselves out in public vulnerable to rejection and criticism. I have felt that guilt and fear and have acknowledged them both, but I will not let them slow me down. I have been the best mother and wife I know how to be. To chase away the guilty feelings that creep up inside of me when ever I say good-bye to my husband or kiss my daughter good night when I am off to yet another writer’s meeting by looking back at how my following my dreams are helping my daughter see that women don’t have to give up their dreams because they are wives or mothers. But that by following our dreams we become fantastic mothers and caring wives infecting their loved ones with the idea that everything they dream is not only possible but attainable if they only leave fear at the footstep and step into a world of endless possibilities.







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I am an aspiring writer who found that the guilt of leaving my family for even a few hours a day kept me from pursuing my dreams. I know there are hundreds of women in my position and I want to encourage them to follow their dreams and to realize that guilt is a form of fear holding us back because we are vulberable to rejections and critism.

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